No, it’s not just friendship.
It begins innocently enough and looks like a normal friendship. You communicate with the person, exchange messages, go for a walk or snowboarding together, and share problems and worries. And then suddenly you realize that you would rather spend the evening texting with “just a friend” than watch a movie with your husband or wife. And this connection, suddenly becoming unexpectedly strong, destroys your relationship with your permanent partner. By the way, if you are looking for your life partner eden christian dating app will help you with it.
What can be considered emotional cheating
Emotional infidelity is when a person is in a marriage or serious relationship but gives someone else more time, energy, and feelings than his partner. With this “friend” he shares his innermost thoughts, he prefers to turn to him for support, warmth, and emotional stroking. In other words, he looks for emotions on the side.
45% of men and 35% of women admitted to being emotionally unfaithful to their partners. How do you know if you might be one of them? Psychologists and marriage experts highlight the following signs:
- You are distancing yourself from your spouse/partner. You find it difficult to talk to him or her about anything other than everyday household matters.
- You think about your friend all the time, you can’t wait to meet him or her.
- You are not interested in intimacy with your partner – both emotionally and sexually.
- You spend less time together than you used to.
- You share your thoughts, feelings, and experiences with a friend rather than your partner.
- You are looking for an excuse to give your friend a gift or to please him or her in some other way.
- You feel that the friend understands you better than your partner.
- You are more willing to spend time with a friend than with your husband or wife.
- You keep your friendship a secret, you don’t tell your other half what you talk about, you hide the fact that you went to a meeting, and you prefer not to mention the relationship at all.
- You feel attracted to your mate.
- You often quarrel with your partner over your relationship with your friend.
- And here are the red flags that tell you that your partner or spouse is emotionally cheating:
- He’s avoiding you, acting aloof, and often criticizing you.
- He has become secretive, hides his phone or puts a password on it, and slams the lid of his laptop if you suddenly enter the room.
- He has developed unexpected interests and hobbies.
- He says he is working with a friend or girlfriend on a project and they often need extra time.
- He talks about his friend or girlfriend all the time.
- You are not usually jealous, but your gut feeling is that something is wrong.
- When you try to discuss the situation, the husband or wife acts hostile, attacks you, or tries to make you look crazy.
There are several fundamental differences between platonic friendship and emotional infidelity. Infidelity begins when the “friend” becomes closer than the spouse or partner. When cheaters have secrets from their mates. And when there is a sexual attraction between “friends” – conscious or not.
Why emotional cheating is dangerous
Many people think there’s nothing wrong: it’s not sex, so it doesn’t count as cheating. But it is not like that.
Emotional intimacy is only foreplay
Psychologists and marriage counselors say that such an emotional connection is also a kind of betrayal without sex. Because this “just friendship” over time can easily end in bed. There is almost certainly sexual attraction between two people if they have become so close.
Emotional cheating hurts and leads to a breakup
Such cheaters often don’t feel guilty, but their spouses or partners think very differently. A close emotional connection with another person is no less painful than having sex on the side. Attitudes indeed vary by gender.
Researchers conducted a survey and found that women are more afraid of emotionally cheating partners, and men – of sexual. Either way, both feel deceived and betrayed – because loved ones hide important parts of their lives from them, and lying and withholding destroy trust and harm relationships. As a result, the case may end in a breakup. By the way, you can check here if you are still looking for a strong relationship.
emotional infidelity hurts everyone involved
The friend who is caught up in this peculiar love triangle also has feelings. The cheater gives him hope that someday they will be together, and actively feeds it – with warm messages, with joint meetings and walks, with meaningful glances and sort of casual touching.
But at the same time he doesn’t seem to intend to develop this relationship, doesn’t call what’s going on an affair, and doesn’t think about leaving the family. That is, he puts his “just a friend” in a strange, ridiculous, and almost humiliating position. And that hurts.
Finally, this whole situation causes suffering to the cheater himself. He is forced to suppress his feelings, to lie, to twist and tear himself between two people close to him.
Get to the bottom of this.
Maybe you lack care, support, and attention. Perhaps your spouse or partner does not spend enough time with you, has little admiration for you, often criticized. Or does not share the essential interests you.
Maybe you need strong emotions, adventures, and excitement. And it happens that between you there is no love and warmth and the relationship came to an end, although you refuse to admit it. Whatever it is, try to figure out why you started looking for emotion outside the family.
Realize that infidelity is destroying your relationship.
That all the energy, affection, and even love you are giving to the other person. That you are cheating on your partner, alienating yourself from him or her. All this causes pain and suffering to all involved in the conflict and can eventually end in a breakup.
Talk to your partner.
Telling them that you have feelings for the other person is probably not worth it – unless, of course, you are planning a divorce. But you can discuss the reasons why this happened. For example, you lack support and admiration – tell your partner about this, and ask him to give you more time and attention. Or go on a trip together – to strengthen the marriage and have the experience that you lack.
Decide what to do about the “friendship.”
Be honest with yourself and think about whether you can return to this relationship solely as a friendship. If not, the relationship must be ended-and soon. Explain to the friend that the relationship is damaging to your relationship with your husband or wife and you have to end it. Try not to see the person again, cut him out of your life, at least temporarily – don’t write or call him, unsubscribe from him on social networks.
Fill in the blanks.
Sometimes “platonic infidelity” happens where there is a lack of joy and bright positive emotions. Think about where else, besides a relationship with a friend, you can get them. Maybe you should go out more often, or it makes sense to get a new hobby, travel more, and do creative work or sports.
If you can’t handle the situation but want to save the relationship, look for a good couples therapist and start attending sessions with your partner.
How to protect your relationship from emotional cheating
A healthy relationship built on friendship, trust, and mutual respect is in itself a protection against cheating. Therefore, try to do the following.
Spend more time together.
Go on dates to cafes, restaurants, theaters, movies, or outings. Take advantage of every opportunity to be together.
Talk about the things you care about.
Don’t stockpile grudges, anger, and annoyance. Don’t expect your partner to guess why you are dissatisfied. Talk about your feelings, discuss what you don’t like, and try to find a solution. If you are rude, offended, or hurt, don’t forget to apologize and discuss what happened.
In general, talk to each other as much as possible.
Not only about domestic issues – about shopping, bills, repairs, and leaking faucets. But also about the things you’re passionate about – books, TV shows, your hobbies, and cultural and political events. And, of course, share your feelings and concerns.
Support each other.
Make sure you take the time to listen to your loved one, encourage them, and tell them that you love them and believe in them.